Where We Belong
by trusuprise
Summary: As the final battle with Naraku draws near, though they both desire the same thing, Inuyasha and Kagome have two separate views. When Kagome uses the wish of the Shikon no Tama, what will she wish for? Inspired by Dido's White Flag.


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Where We Belong  
By: TruSuprise  
  
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all affiliated characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko. The views expressed herein are solely those of TruSuprise. Lyrics to White Flag is property of Dido.

* * *

For two years now, he's been running between Kikyou and I, leaving me at a moment's notice to rush to her side whenever she beckoned. It hurt at first, and it continues to be incredibly painful, but in the last few months since we've become, well… intimate, the pain has only increased.  
  
For so long now, he would sneak away from the group with me so we could be together in private. He would whisper words of affection and desire, only to turn around and thrust it all in my face when Kikyou calls him to her in the middle of the night. He thinks I don't hear him leave in the darkness, but how can I not feel him slide away from my side when he shares my sleeping bag with me after the others have fallen asleep?  
  
I can't help but wonder if he is sleeping with Kikyou too. I mean, it only makes sense that he's doing both of us. I wonder if she knows? I wonder who he thinks about when I call his name in the heat of passion, a voice reserved only for his sensitive canine ears. I wonder which one of us he thinks about when Kikyou does the same.  
  
Most of all, I wonder how I let myself get into this position in the first place, why I allow myself to play second fiddle to his first love. I already know the answer. It's because I love him too damn much to tell him no when he comes looking for me. I can't deny the desire in his eyes, especially when I want him just as badly.  
  
No. Instead of confronting him about it and risking putting him through the same emotional pain as I face daily, I remain quiet, always biting my tongue, always enduring the pain. I push it to the back of my mind as we continue to search for the last shard of the Shikon no Tama. As night falls and we make camp, I wonder if he'll come to me tonight.

* * *

Damn her. Damn her for calling me away from camp as the moon rises. Did she somehow know that I had planned on waking Kagome as I watched her sleep from my perch in the tree above her? Did she somehow know that I had already scouted the land and found the perfect, secluded spot for her and I to…  
  
No, of course Kikyou doesn't know that Kagome and I are involved. I've never told her, though I know she suspects me of such. I've been trying to tell her for months now that I no longer love her, that I need to concentrate on avenging our pain caused by Naraku so we can both move on separately. Perhaps if I'd finally tell her, she'd leave me alone. But she doesn't take the hint, intent that she will still take me to hell with her once this is over.  
  
But this won't be over for me after the final battle. I've already decided that once I kill Naraku and hold Onigumo's dying heart in my hands, I will commit myself to Kagome and live only for her. But first, I need to honor my promise to Kikyou and avenge her death, and in the meantime, I must answer her call when her servants come for me. Then, and only then can I fully commit myself to the one I love.  
  
"What do you want, Kikyou?" I bark, finding my first love leaning against a dead tree, the moonlight's luminescent rays causing her ivory haori to glow eerily.  
  
"So bitter, Inuyasha, when I wished only to be in your presence." She responds coldly.  
  
"If you have nothing to talk about, I was busy." I return moodily, being mindful to keep my distance. The dead miko can be unpredictable at times.  
  
"With Kagome?" She asks expectantly.  
  
I tear my eyes from her icy gaze. "Its no concern of yours."  
  
"I beg to differ." She says.  
  
"I'm leaving." I retort, not in the mood to play her games.  
  
Her lack of a response was my cue, and I take off at a dead run, eager to get away from my bitter ex-love and return to the woman that held my heart.  
  
When I finally get back to camp, my traveling companions… my pack, had already fallen asleep. Sango, Kirara, Shippou, Miroku, and Kagome are all huddled around the campfire. As I stealthily creep over to Kagome, my eyes linger on her, tucked into her strange futon, that thing she calls a sleeping bag. I never did like it. When she zips that thing up, it gets too hot in there. It took me two nights to assure her that I could keep her plenty warm without it zipped.  
  
I lie down next to her sleeping form and inch my chest close to her back, cursing the thick sleeping bag that separates us. I weave my long, clawed fingers through her thick, black hair, trying to gently rouse her. She merely snuggles deeper into her pillow, relaying the image of falling into a sounder sleep.  
  
I know she's awake. She does this every so often after I return from Kikyou's call, completely ignoring my presence. I can smell the scent of her dried tears, and I know she's cried for me. Why? I've already told her that there's nothing between Kikyou and I. Don't I always come back to her each time I go to Kikyou? Doesn't Kagome know how much I love her?  
  
I guess not. After all, I've certainly never said those words to her, too scared to say them, too afraid that things would some how change for the worst in our silent agreement of an unspoken physical relationship. But I do love her. I love her with all my heart, and I've promised to myself that one day, after Naraku is defeated and the jewel back in one piece, that I'll ask her to make the wish on the jewel and then confess my love to her.  
  
But right now, she's in pain. Pain that I caused her. For now, I'll leave her be. There is nothing I can do or say to mend the rift between us until I defeat Naraku, when I will be allowed to finally tell her how I feel.  
  
_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you I  
'll tell you that  
But if I didn't say it  
Well, I'd still have felt it  
Where's the sense in that?  
  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were_

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* * *

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As I lay there, pointedly ignoring his gentle touch, fighting against my very soul to not respond to his sweet caress, I bite back the tears. When he finally backs away and gives me my space, thinking that I'm fast asleep, exhausted from the endless searching and battles, I listen to him hop into the tree above me and settle into its branches.  
  
I do my best to keep my tears in check, for if he had smelled the fresh salt, he would not have let me get away without talking to him. Instead, I worry my lower lip with my teeth and count to… I don't know what I'm counting to. I'm pretty bad with math and I lose track easily. I settle instead on watching the dying embers of the campfire. A chill wind blows, signaling the approach of autumn, and I find myself wishing for Inuyasha's warmth.  
  
_Well I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

* * *

I seem to have been granted a few days break from the miko that stalks me. I don't know where she is, or what she's up to, but I'm happy, for it gives me to the chance to pay my full attention to Kagome. We travel the wilds of Musashi Country in search of Naraku. The evil hanyou is now in possession of the final Shikon shard. He's collected every last piece, even claiming those from Kohaku and Kouga, a traumatic event for us all to lose those so close to us. We know the end is near, and we are all tense, on the edge, and fearful for what it will bring.  
  
I see it in the haggard expression of Sango, who, since Kohaku's second death, has turned eerily silent and apathetic. I see it in the eyes of Miroku, hoping that we will kill the evil hanyou before his Kazanaa finally devours him, though I know not if he worries for Sango more than he worries for himself. There is also the young Shippou, who has lost his only family once, and I'm sure that bears heavily on his mind. Then, there is the ancient Kirara, youkai warrior of Midoriko, who I'm sure has her fair share of worries as well.  
  
Last, but not least, there is Kagome, who worries for us all. She has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. I know she worries that once the Shikon is complete, that she'll be forced back into her own, strange time. I've tried to ease her worries, tried to tell her that she's not going anywhere, in my own gruff manner, that is, but I know it still weighs heavily on her. Wasn't she the one who told me she'd always be by my side? Yet, for the past few days, it seems she's been trying to distance herself from me, as though she's waiting for the proverbial ax to fall.  
  
I guess she thinks that after Naraku's defeat, I'll use the Shikon no Tama to wish myself full Youkai. She's going to be surprised when I tell her I want the wish to belong to her, and then confess my love to her. I can't wait for that moment. The thought of being free from my promise to Kikyou after taking Naraku's life, free to love Kagome the way I wish, this is what keeps me going now.  
  
As Kagome and I wander the depths of an unnamed forest on Naraku's trail, having split from the rest of the group to search a broader area, the atmosphere between us is tense.  
  
"Do you sense the jewel, Kagome?" I ask tentatively.  
  
She shakes her head to tell me no. "Do you smell him at all?" She asks, her voice breaking in the stifling silence.  
  
I shake my head. I can't pick up the slightest trace of the cursed hanyou.  
  
"You could at least answer me, you know." She snaps.  
  
I glare at her coldly. She's the one that put up the barrier between us in the first place by trying to distance herself from me. "Look, Kagome. I don't know why you've been so moody, but I'm trying here. You're the one that hasn't been talking to me lately."  
  
The pained expression that she returns almost breaks my heart. "Can you blame me?" She stops herself, and I can tell she is trying her hardest not to say whatever words are on the tip of her tongue. "Look, I'm just worried about the battle and getting to Naraku before he utilizes the power of the jewel, that's all." She says, clearly trying to change the subject.  
  
I stop and grab her by the wrist, forcing her to look at me. "Damn it, Kagome, stop running away from whatever it is and just tell me what's really on your mind!"  
  
Apparently, my words push her over the edge as her eyebrows crease her forehead. "Who's running? You're the one that's been running back and forth between Kikyou and I for the past two years, even after we started to…" She couldn't finish the words, as though if she'd speak about the things we've done in private, they'd cease to be real.  
  
I realize now that this entire time she's been worrying about the woman that I've been trying to get rid of for months. "Damnit, I've told you, there's nothing between Kikyou and I anymore!" I shout at her. Her unphased look tells me that she doesn't believe in me, and it hurts.  
  
"Inuyasha, I'm tired of this!" She suddenly exclaims.  
  
Her words shake me to my very core as I desperately try to grasp what she's trying to tell me.  
  
"Ever since I met you, you've rubbed me raw with worry, fear, and hurt. Between your love for Kikyou, your recklessness in battle, and our non-committal relationship, I'm just tired of it! That's what's been bothering me. Are you happy now?" She blurts out.  
  
My mouth hangs open at her rant, and I realize despondently that Kikyou couldn't have chosen a worse time to send his messengers. As the long eel-like bodies of her shinidamachuu slither on thin air, I feel the weight of my responsibility to the dead miko bear heavily on my soul. I know the worst possible thing I can do at this moment is to leave Kagome in the middle of our fight, yet I have no choice. I must answer to my promise first.  
  
Kagome snorts and turns around. "Go on, she's waiting for you."  
  
Though she's being uncharacteristically bitter, she's still the same thoughtful woman she always has been in that unlike Kikyou, she doesn't tell me what to do. She has no expectations, and doesn't give me an ultimatum. And for that, I love her even more. I'd like to think that perhaps she understands me, perhaps she knows I love her, and she's waiting for me.  
  
"I'll be back, Kagome." I tell her, placing my hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Whatever." She mumbles, refusing to acknowledge me.  
  
I numbly realize that what she said about me is right. I am running away. As my bare feet pound the moist grass beneath me, I feel like I'm only losing ground as I run away from her and to Kikyou. I might be wrong, and I hope I am, but it feels as though Kagome just told me she didn't want me to come back. In some ways, I can't blame her. I'm not the easiest person to deal with, and I know it.  
  
For now, the only thing I can do is to focus on our final battle, and then I'll find some way to make things up to her afterwards.  
  
_I know I left too much mess  
And destruction to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again  
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"  
Then I'm sure that that makes sense  
_

* * *

Sure he'll be back, I don't doubt that. He always comes crawling back to me after seeing Kikyou. Why, is it because he feels bad for leaving me? Because he might actually like me? Because I'm so easy? Yeah, I'm sure that's it, I decide. I'm easy.  
  
I hadn't wanted to say any of what I had, and yet, it was all I could do to force myself to push him away, for I know the end is coming soon. Once Naraku is defeated, I know Inuyasha will no longer have a need for me anymore. He'll either return to Kikyou or wish himself full Youkai with the jewel. I'll have no choice but to be forced to go back to my own home and live the rest of my life without him. And so I push him away, knowing the pain it will be easier to take if I start pushing him away from me now than it will be once the time comes to leave.  
  
And so I had called on all of the things that he's done to hurt me, although I do admit, none of the things he'd done were of malicious intent on his part. Even still, they were all things that had affected me deeply, time I'd spent hurting. Time that is soon to be even further in the past as our final battle looms ever closer.  
  
It pains me that even though I've pushed him away, my love for him still endures. Though I've come to terms with the fact that once we defeat Naraku, I will lose him, I've already promised not allow myself to forget him. I will love him always.  
  
_I will go down with the ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

* * *

The end has come sooner than any of us had thought. Only days after the fight between Kagome and I, we finally catch up with Naraku, and the final fight for the Shikon no Tama ensues.  
  
We suffer many losses. We loose both Sango and Miroku, who fight valiantly, and sacrifice their own lives to protect both Kagome and myself. Kirara dies protecting Sango, her companion who she had sworn to protect. I almost lose Kagome, but with the help of my Youkai transformation, I manage to save her from an almost certain death at Naraku's hands. Luckily, we left Shippou back at Kaede's village, instructing her not to allow the little kitsune out of her hut, and it is a relief not to have to worry about him.  
  
I barely manage to defeat Naraku, and in the end, as I now look at the carnage around me, I wonder if it was worth it. I tentatively approach Kagome where she kneels over our dead friends, tears rushing down her face. Despite our injuries and blood stained clothes, I throw my arms around her, both of us exhausted and shaky from the horrific ordeal. She sobs jerkily into my shoulder, and I can't help but shed a tear in silence. We've lost so much, but at least we still have each other.  
  
A pink glimmer in the blood and flesh coated grass catches my eye and I break our embrace to pick it up, holding it in the palm of my hand shakily. The Shikon no Tama, spotless in its perfect, unbroken form radiates with its own inner light. That such a beautiful jewel could have been the cause of so terrible an event saddens me, and I know that if it's fabled wish is not used, history will only serve to repeat itself.  
  
From the corner of my eye, I see Kagome wearily watching me. I was right. She does think I'll use the power of this jewel to become full Youkai. Why? Was it not her that told me she liked me just the way I am? As a Hanyou? Why would I wish to be anything other than what she wants?  
  
Her worried frown wobbles in confusion as I hand the brilliant jewel to her, placing it in her palm and closing her fingers around it.  
  
"I want you to make the wish." I tell her softly.  
  
"Me?" She asks, honestly shocked. "But what should I wish for?"  
  
I shrug at her. It is her choice to make. In the end, after the death and destruction of countless numbers of both Youkai and humans alike, the final wish will belong to the miko that had shattered it in the first place.  
  
I watch as she surveys the destruction of the forest in which we battled, her eyes pausing on the mutilated corpses of the Youkai we slaughtered before resting on the bodies of our dead companions. I could tell she was thinking about bringing them back. Had I used the wish for myself, I likely would have taken that route as well.  
  
I eagerly await Kagome's wish. Once our friends come back to us and we're sure that the jewel can no longer be used for evil, I'll waste no time in telling her how much I love her. I snake my arm around her waist, providing silent support for the woman I love. It won't be long now before we're both together where we belong.

* * *

When Inuyasha hands me the jewel, I almost think I'm seeing things. It's perhaps the kindest, most selfless act I've ever seen from him, and it warms my heart. As I curiously eye the Shikon no Tama, the cause for all the troubles, as well as all the happiness in my life, I want to both curse and thank the powerful stone. For with it, I met my closest friends and my greatest love, yet without it, I would not have known the pain of losing those friends or the pain of not having my love returned the way I'd hoped.  
  
A familiar twinge, a pull at my very soul suddenly alerts me to her presence. Kikyou, the reason my love would never be returned. She is somewhere beyond the clearing, watching us. I know she's been waiting for him, waiting to take him to hell with her now that their revenge had been dealt.  
  
I look again at the jewel in my hands and I make my decision. I allow myself a brief moment to be selfish, relishing in the familiar feel of his warm arm around my body, for it will be the last time. As I pray to the jewel, the stone's pink glow radiates, becoming stronger and beginning to warm my palm.  
  
Suddenly, the image of Midoriko, the miko responsible for the jewel's existence is standing in front of me. I can tell that she is relieved that her several hundred year struggle of battling the Youkai within the jewel will now be over.  
  
"Your wish?" She asks, her mouth not moving, but her sweet voice somehow residing in my head alone. I know the Hanyou I love can't hear or see her, for he does not acknowledge her presence. Honestly, it's a relief, for it would make what I am about to do that much harder.  
  
"I wish for the lives of those taken over the course of the jewel's life to be returned to them, should their souls so desire." I tell her, excited at the thought that the lives of my friends will be returned.  
  
"Is this all?" She asks, looking not at me, but almost through me, as though she can see into my very soul.  
  
I shake my head. There is more. "I wish that Kikyou's life be returned to her, and that both she and Inuyasha forget me so that they can be together again. Happy, the way they were."  
  
The ancient miko thoughtfully examines me. "Are you sure this is what you wish?"  
  
I pause for a moment, stealing one last glance at my Hanyou. It's not what I want, but I'm sure it's what is best for him. Even though he'll forget about my very existence and all that we've shared, I can at least take solace in the fact that my love for him will live on. "Yes." I reply shakily. "Return all of us to where we belong."  
  
Suddenly, a pink light envelops my body, and my skin warms with its spiritual contact. It is similar to how I feel when I jump through the well, and I know I am going home.  
  
As my body begins to fade from the world I've grown to love so much, I see Inuyasha before me, a panicked look on his face that almost breaks my heart. My hearing is no longer in the feudal era, and I can't hear the words he screams to me, but I do notice a glimmer in his eye, and I instantly placed it as one that I have seen in my own reflection for the past two years. Its as if he's finally broken down the last barrier to his heart, and it shocks me that I think I see love in his amber depths. I idly wonder if it's meant for me.  
  
It's too late to ever know as I fade from his world completely.  
  
_I will go down with the ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

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Author's Notes: I have to apologize for this short, angsty fic. I was driving the other day and listening to Dido's White Flag when the idea struck me, and I just had to write it down. It only took me an hour or two to get this out of my head, and although it shows… it was a nice distraction from the long fic I'm working on, Corporate Deception: Fate of Her Land. This is by far the shortest, most depressing fic I've written and it was difficult to try writing in the first person and managing the shifting narratives, as to me, its what I felt this fic called for. But it was a fun challenge, and I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable. 


End file.
